Secret of Happy Old Age

If you Google “secrets of a happy old age” the search results pop up with endless articles listing the so-called “secrets”.  Those looking for answers however will be disappointed as the secrets invariably turn out to be the most obvious things such as: eat well; exercise; make friends; get a dog; do puzzles or get a hobby.  Such tips apply equally to people of all ages and give no special guidance as to how best tackle the daunting mental and physical challenges we all face, as we get older.

The trouble is ageing is not simply life as usual with a few extra wrinkles. It changes everything. We can see the obvious physical changes - walking a bit slower with aching back and joints.  But there are also the invisible shifts: the way our role in society evolves, how we have more free time, how we handle loss of friends and loved ones, and how we make sense of the time we have left.  Advice like “take up gardening” can be well meant, but it doesn’t really answer the bigger question: how do we adapt, mentally and emotionally, to an entirely new stage of life?

Those people lucky to have a faith are ahead of the game, in having a belief that they can rely on to maintain a positive outlook as they face their sunset years.   But what about the rest of us?  There are of course no simple answers and perhaps a blog is not the best place to start getting too deep, but that said, where do we look for wisdom and guidance on how to be happy in old age.  

The Dalai Lama is often asked about how to be happy in old age.  His advice is deceptively simple, and yet, when you think about it, it feels like the kind of truth that deepens with time. Here in short is what he has said:

• Develop secular ethics: or, more simply, a good heart, and do no harm to others.  Such an outlook helps prevent disturbing emotions such as anger and jealousy, leading to better physical health.
• Maintain hygiene for our emotions:  when we have warmheartedness, we cannot be lonely.
• Train the mind to be peaceful and to keep it clear and sharp.  This has to be learned from an early age. Time is an important factor because developing inner qualities is a long process.  If our mind is trained physical suffering that comes with old age won’t disturb us much.
• Have determination and motivation to develop love and compassion. We need to be equipped with internal skills, to develop internal resources. Otherwise, if we are used to looking for pleasure in the sensorial world, when we grow old and lose our ability to perceive sights, sounds and smells, it becomes difficult.

Perhaps there are no “secrets” to a happy old age, at least not in the sense of quick, easy answers. But there are practices, mindsets, and habits of the heart that can make the later years not just bearable, but deeply rewarding.